Tea kettle with boiling water; steam against a black background. As is usually my practice in the mornings when at the lake cabin, I had set a kettle of water on the stove, turned the knob to high, and gone back upstairs to read and to wait for the water to boil. After reading for a while I forgot about the tea kettle. Suddenly, I was jolted into the moment by the high pitched, urgent scream of the kettle. I leaped out of my chair and raced down the stairs to quell the wailing call.
Later while sipping my tea, I realized how quickly and unhesitatingly I responded to the tea kettle’s call. There was something about it, so insistent and immediate, that I never considered not responding in a flash. I thought about the ring of a telephone. I can ignore that when I choose to. The chiming doorbell or hard knock at the door–I can ignore those too. What about a whining child? A barking dog? Or an old man or woman moaning in pain? Or a beggar on the street with a tin cup? Or an urgent voicemail from your boss? The partner who pleads to be taken out to dinner?
All of these are calls also, most of which I have taught myself to ignore, or at least delay for a while. These other calls are calls for my attention in some form: discipline, support, compassion, service, or intervention.
There are a couple of fundamental truths to recognize here. The first truth is most everyone is calling for our attention most of the time. Consequently, we have learned to pretend we are paying attention. We pretend to listen while talking on our cell phone, or playing a video game, or reading the paper, or getting something else done. Pretend attention is like consuming empty calories and in short order being hungry again. Full attention is the only act of genuine love that we have to give to one another.
The second truth is our attention is the only real thing we have to give, whatever the form. Without attention, nothing living survives. How do we choose? How do we know which calls to answer immediately, which to delay and which to ignore? To know how to answer all these constant calls takes awareness and deliberateness most of us do not practice. I encourage you to be more conscious, alert, and purposeful when answering your everyday calls. The screaming tea kettle can actually wait, but what about the whining child? Or the unhappy partner? How long must they wait for you to answer?